Window Shopping

Down the narrow store aisle
shelves bulging with merchandise
resembling a hoarders hallway
but here, things are brightly lit

my fingers move lightly across the tops
of changing objects
like piano keys.

Pausing a moment,
felt like holding a note
I stalled in the lane and was
nudged from behind,
my bag shrugged off my shoulder
snapping me
out of kaleidoscope vision-

I craned my neck
backward to acknowledge
someone-apologize-but-no one was
in the aisle with me.

I continued along, slightly unsettled,
when I was then most certainly pushed
by another consumer of wares
in another aisle
on the other side
of the store
of my body.
I did not bother to look,
nobody was there.
It was easy enough to ignore.

He had been waiting in the car.
He found me,
he wore an misfit smile.

He touched me for the first time in
five years,
intentionally
down my spine
reaching all the way
into the realm of dreams
softly.

Quickly and deeply
under flourescent lights,
he told me how he fell
in love
before
and wanted to tell me
what he saw, then, recently,
but I wouldn't understand
nor could I heft its weight.

Cradling a rectangle mirror in his palm
the images he saw
expanded and contracted
at will-with a pinch and pull,
until it all grew too large
and thin and had to shatter
into shards across his feet.

His grip had been too tight.

Through a screen,
it was a dream
I see, I said
like privacy glass.

Nothing was hidden here
or there,
it was simply harder to find.
If only the advertisements
were to scale,
the distance could be measured
between desire and death
marked down
with a red tag.

Marriage is easier to get into than out of.
It is easier to get stuff than give it away.

There is nothing new
nothing I want to buy,
I said at his head facing
his phone-without looking up,
he offered,
You can order anything you like online.

I stood in line with a metal box of pranks
in hand,
You found something, he finally observed
the waiting.
Who is that for?
Me. I'm the only one I know who falls for
these things-
even when I know how they work.
I'll buy it, he said.


Image credited by New York Public Library, no date, no source info given. In Public Domain. 

He kneaded Her

She may be being beaten

As we read this

Together,

Hold on, it sounds morbid, but there is nothing that can be done to stop it.

One learns to accept the role of  I-witness, until one cannot bear to watch-

And then instead of gashes and broken bones, he could be pushing

Her buttons, shoving

Thing in corners

And covering them up with

Sickness. 

He certainly demands

ATTENTION! Obedience and privacy,

Of course, isolation and abuse are like marriages,

Ownership issues and subtle clues, like Grand Canyon colors,

Naturally, it was about the little words, the little monies,

The precious little time, the violent vices, the weak needs

And the only daughter they despise.

She is cowering, her nose red, her eyes black, her thoughts run away with the

Memories, tapes we tried to unstick, etchings I attempted to erase by

Geography and sandy paper,

Moments that seemed frozen

Then

And then

And then

And then...

Painting by John Reinhard Weguelin, Woman in the reeds c. 1895 in [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

Happily Never After

Image By GlenAFord at en.wikipedia [Public domain], from Wikimedia Commons

One of the hardest things to see
is when to accept that it may never be.
Both of our hearts bleed,
not able to give what each other may need.
Romance I think we have honestly tried-
and your effort cannot be denied...
But when you move to touch me anymore
my skin stings and my body feels bruised and sore.
I said I felt abandoned and neglected
And you say you always feel rejected.
How can we see eye to eye
when it feels like we are living in the safety of a lie?
Waiting for the good parts to come
meanwhile our hearts grow cold and numb.
The problem isn't whose to blame
No matter what we try it stays the same...
I am a thorn in your side,
making you feel obligated and tied
Safe and secure, tried and true
always a work in progress, relationships take two
Ten years is a long time to wait
only to find you've lost your soul mate.
When two people are in love
whatever appears difficult they're able to rise above
stronger together
unlike stormy weather
Circles of speech, a vortex of energy
even simple conversations have lost the synergy
Focused on whose right and whose wrong
I haven't been wanted, cherished, devoured in so long...
I keep waiting, searching for a sign
that you want to be just mine
"Its not important to me" was your excuse,
telling you how I feel is of no use.
Moving on, getting over it, forgive and forget, it's all okay
since nothing really matters that I say,
'I'm sorry's' galore, 'I didn't think of you'
is any of this your fault too?
Can this ever be fixed
without broken promises- left hanging or nixed?
Perhaps my heart is just to scarred
I don't think it should be this hard...
Even now when there's nothing to lose-
but after this long it's plain to see
that it's not me
you choose.